VOID

This was one of those ordinary days that I sat here staring blankly on the empty space of this white sheet where I am typing right now. Head is running empty, thoughts and inspiration are nowhere to find on this four corners of the office I used to work for almost a year now.  I stopped and contemplate for a moment. I want to dodge the thought of giving up, I can’t give up on something I badly needed but I don’t want. Does that make sense anymore? Would that make my life a little bit different?

Been having this feeling for a while now, it’s not only with my job but with every phase of my life that I started to feel unsteady and in doubt. My faith is shaking to collapse that I felt this empty void inside my heart grown deeper in time. It’s where God used to reside and pierced my heart with His love that made me want to sing all the joyful hymns to Him. It was my fault, I run away from Him. I knew I drifted away without any reason, I broke free with so much joy that I forgot I was already a million steps away from Him. Then I moved forward, keep moving forward till I lose myself and forgot the great, immeasurable and indescribable love He gave me.

 I’ve been wanting to find His love, go back to Him, to seek answers and feel that I am still favored by Him. I no longer want to ask myself “Where to go?” “How?” and says “I’m afraid”. I badly needed God as I badly needed the air to breathe. I want a whole steady faith built not by religion but by God Himself. I want to free myself from doubt and selfishness. I WANT A NEW LIFE. A life that knows no boundaries, a life that is not afraid to die.

TO THE MAN WHO MADE ME BELIEVE LOVE IS ALWAYS WORTH THE WAIT

It's magical how two parallel points meet.

When you get to imagine the difference of what you are now as a couple

than what you were before as friends and living two separate lives. Wow!

Then you say to yourself- How did that happen? We were just like this,

and now it's something more than we could hope for.

It's like I can't put into words all the wonderful, beautiful,

sweet, happiness, hope and love at the same time.

It's inexpressible. Something deeper than the sea. Wider than the universe,

it stretches in the vast blue sky, like I am those little wooly clouds drifted up high.

It was something I need to shout out before my heart could burst out and kill me.

What did you just do to me? I am wonderstruck by your love.

When I recall those times back when we were in college.

I am still awe stricken by how things turn out the way I did not expect it to be.

Remembering in my head all those words I have uttered to our friends before--

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE WE COULD BE TOGETHER (big word just to intensify the thought)

Well part of my brain says what if?  Followed by a day dream with back ground music, other part of my wit constantly breaking the idea being us together then the music dies with it.

That ends our love story back then.

Well don't blame me, I was not really into you during that time and I guess that time was not

really the right time. That's how God planned it, again don't blame me.

Makes me laugh with all your wasted effort during those days but look at us now. It's actually not wasted at all, it became a foundation , a real foundation of what we are today.

We've both grown deeper in time. I realize  when we were together as I get to know you deeply that you really outgrown me psychologically and emotionally.

You have grown into a man any woman would adore (But I won't allow that, as I always says you're mine--insert evil laugh here)

You just came in my life in time. 

Just when I was too close to not believing in love again,

too close to deciding just to live my life alone .

You did not came with any roses or chocolates, you just came in with those big heart.

Ready to give you're all for me and somehow that was everything.

From that moment on you've been my everything.

As the days run closely for us to be apart again, I would just like you to know that

I will always wait for you.

 You believed that I always worth the wait then it's time for me to prove that you also worth the wait.

I love you.

Lovelier and In love than ever,

A

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