VOID

This was one of those ordinary days that I sat here staring blankly on the empty space of this white sheet where I am typing right now. Head is running empty, thoughts and inspiration are nowhere to find on this four corners of the office I used to work for almost a year now.  I stopped and contemplate for a moment. I want to dodge the thought of giving up, I can’t give up on something I badly needed but I don’t want. Does that make sense anymore? Would that make my life a little bit different?

Been having this feeling for a while now, it’s not only with my job but with every phase of my life that I started to feel unsteady and in doubt. My faith is shaking to collapse that I felt this empty void inside my heart grown deeper in time. It’s where God used to reside and pierced my heart with His love that made me want to sing all the joyful hymns to Him. It was my fault, I run away from Him. I knew I drifted away without any reason, I broke free with so much joy that I forgot I was already a million steps away from Him. Then I moved forward, keep moving forward till I lose myself and forgot the great, immeasurable and indescribable love He gave me.

 I’ve been wanting to find His love, go back to Him, to seek answers and feel that I am still favored by Him. I no longer want to ask myself “Where to go?” “How?” and says “I’m afraid”. I badly needed God as I badly needed the air to breathe. I want a whole steady faith built not by religion but by God Himself. I want to free myself from doubt and selfishness. I WANT A NEW LIFE. A life that knows no boundaries, a life that is not afraid to die.